28 April 2010

Auwwwww...No pun intended.

Have you ever wonder of late why there is a sudden surge of a new human breed among our population? I do. Neither this human extraordinaire is a newly developed species nor a mutant from the underworld. It is neither a chimeric of origin nor a product of laboratories blunder, but a silent evolution of our genetic makeover in direct respond to the ever changing environment and surrounding condition. In the One-Nation world this new insurgence of the one-of-its-kind inhabitant is popularly known as 'mat lembut'. Though lembut is sometimes a preferred quality (as in soft skin, soft spoken counter attendant, soft and comfy airport limo etc.) but in this case it tells a totally different story.

This abnormal phenomenon is quite a concern as the prevalence has become alarmingly high each years. I remember once while visiting my Alma mater last year for some academic endeavor. I was really taken aback by what I saw. I was greeted by the sweetest voice in the lecture hall by almost all graduates - boys and girls alike. I am not complaining about the girls as they are supposed to be sweet and gentle, but boys put up their hands for questions and attention just like a ballad dancer performing one of his/her masterpieces. On another very important occasion, I even got confused, fumbling nervously with the zipper when I visited a lavatory and almost step out apologizing profoundly for my mistake as I though I was trespassing in an uncharted territory. From time to time while having my quiet moment I heard a very familiar feminine giggle echoing from the next cubicles. But I was in the gentle-man lavatory alright sir.

Audience...Please! It is not my intention to belittle or make a mock out of this unique being. They are created equally important and with special purposes only God knows. But imagine if our future forces - our arm forces for example. What will happen if these forces of muscular entity one day penetrated and swarmed by these generation. Can we be honest for a moment. It is a joke of the century and outrageously going to be haywire. The classic Malay adage of 'bukan salah ibu mengandung' applies here though. The reason I will reveal later.

I have been cracking my wilting pinnacle and tickling my peanut-size brain on this issue for a while, searching for some light to satisfy my curiosity. We are talking about our future generation here. The generation that will spearhead our nation into the next challenging millennium. The image of our country is also at stake.

After months of preposterously looking for the elusive clue, I finally found what I thought to be the answer to this pertinent issue. The first clue comes from none other than a distant creature living in the river. Male fish in the UK river started to change their sexual appetite and become err....err....ah yes... lesbian. I am not making this up, seriously. This scary event took place somewhere in the UK (not Ulu Kelang) rivers and this interesting study was carried out by several UK universities and well published in a journal (The Journal of Environmental Health Perspectives). They singled out the culprit to this freaking phenomena was polluted underground water. The same source of water that we consumed daily.

Well, if you may ask what potent substance that had caused this unimaginable harm to that poor fella and single handedly changed the original assortment of human genome? The answer are female sex hormones (estrogens) and chemicals that mimic estrogen (which inhibit the function of the male hormones (testosterone) reducing fertility and propagating feminization in male). Scientists who conducted the research blame this particularly powerful form of estrogen in urine from the contraceptive pill, which is flushed through sewage works into the rivers and slowly sip through the female reproductive system. Over a long period of time, this exogenous hormone slowly alter the hormones balance while still in the fetus form.

So there you are ladies. For those who are currently using and actively engaging in the sperm-killing mission, Achtung bitte! When nature's call, a more thoughtful consideration from the fairer sex is very much appreciated. For the sake of our nation ladies, don't just simply do it anywhere and any place you like please.

Now at this point, I shall put down my pen, sit back and enjoy watching my all time favorite war movie of Shaving the Ryan's Private, while at the same time anxiously waiting for my female/male-feminist counterpart shave me bald.

Auwwww no...tak rela I. No pun intended sir.

24 April 2010

Pok kor - a stranger in a strange land

There was much talk in the Rubberland scientific community for the last few months on how to preserve our brain size and sanity at the same time due to excessive indulgence in a peculiar ritual of compressing and tickling the brain, some sophisticated mortals called brainstorming. This practice had increasingly becoming a malignant force that break apart many restless souls. Many had missed their periodic Friday night sacred services to their loyal partner at home, overindulged and too much carried away by the call of duty.

Despite numerous years of digesting the books and technical journals, I just found out recently that brain is one precious organ that required the most energy from our body in order to function properly. Any attempt to squeeze the brain for any illusive ideas, will put much strain to the organ and exhausted our body. Having realized that, my curiosity as to why some of my colleagues dozed off and melt into the oblivion during those many night brain-squeezing sessions was at last answered. Some even purposely left their brain at home and join the zombie army.

This blog comes to live again after dormant for quite sometimes as I finally found my brain again, stuck in between the microscopes in my laboratories.

One interesting encounter though worth mentioning here while having a break in between storming the brain was my sighting on this interesting terrestrial creature lurking in the bush, probably sending out a signal into the celestial planning to dominate our world. In the Keropoklekor land we called this lizard 'pok kor' or a more elaborate honorific 'tokki angguk'. To the One-nation, I believe this lizard is more well known as 'cicak kubing'. To the untrained ears this creature's name sounds more like a disease without no cure.

We need at this point examine the reason why this lizard of which coincidentally can also change color to suit the surrounding are becoming a familiar sight in the Rubberland. In the Far-land this lizard is known as crested tree lizard, or when engaging a fight this creature turns red thus was also dubbed as bloodsucker lizard. This lizard is related to iguana, but unlike other lizards they don't drop tail and run for their life leaving their comrades behind when threatened or encountered any danger. But as my newly-found-brain is increasingly showing symptoms of sluggishness and need to be lubricated more with time I think the question for the time being is better still left unanswered.

One thing for certain however , if this lizard and its similar species roaming wild and free at the foot of the Fraser Hills tomorrow, this could wreak havoc and caused some interesting turn of event that goes down in history.

08 April 2010

Dunia tanpa cermin

jadilah semesta pelbagai wajah pelbagai rupa
hadiah Al-Musawwir Dialah pencipta
kenal diri kenallah Dia
Hilang Tursina itu kan tanda

kata sibuta
pancaindera ku dimana?

namun alam tiada bicara penglipurlara
aku engkau dia mereka
engkau cermin aku - aku cermin dia
cun kata mata
zina keringlah kita
sia-sia belaka

kata sibuta
siapa cermin hamba?

sikodok jika berkata
bodohnya kamu manusia
melihat dengan mata yang dua
yang cantik dipuja terkinja-kinja
yang gemuk hodoh cerca nestapa
hati nurani tiadalah dusta

kata sibuta
aku bagaimana?

jika dunia cerminya tiada
si buta tersenyum manja
aku engkau dia mereka
rupanya kita sama belaka

...Dinukil prosa kelibat ilham mengeteh dibawah ketapang - ditujukan khas kepada beruk dan monyet yang bakal kehilangan kebun getah sekangkang kera tidak lama lagi...

05 April 2010

Won the battle but lost to uric acid

It was raining quite heavily that early Sunday morning in my neighbourhood. At 0730 hours, I went to check out the battle ground to see if all the troops were ready as commanded earlier and accordingly to our battle plan. Nope. Not a single soul, except a platoon of event organizer drenching wet under the canopy waiting for the 'family' to show up. At 0900 hours the rain ceased but ominous dark cloud still looming in the sky. I saw a stray dog appeared unceremoniously and pissing casually near the ground as if showing his discontent on the somber mode, while other 'family' members were still deep in their cold weekend slumber.

Thirty minutes later however, out from nowhere the whole battalion started to gallop into the field and all hell broke loose with the battle cry and the air was filled with high spirit and enjoyment .

It was an inaugural occasion for our neighborhood - a family day. It took the clan 8 years to have such a memorable family affair. My whole family came to the battle ground unprepared, as prior to this we actually had another important engagement and we thought we were going to miss this historical gathering. But a simple twist of fate prior to the opening ceremony gave us ample time to join the joyful crowd.

Everything turned out well at last. I met many new faces and get acquaintance with many new 'families'. The crowd was ecstatic. The food was good. I saw many happy and cheerful faces that day. Kudos to the organizing committee who had really done a very good job. That is what I called a neighborhood. A happy one.

However, after nearly two years or missing my intimate 'acquaintance', with a mysterious stranger, I had a surprise visit by my long lost friend later that day. Uric acid accumulation from over-dehydration and over-excitement greet me with a limping gesture. This friend resided for a week in my left toe. Another reminder that age is catching up.

My youngest superhero super-lightning dash left his peers still wetting their pants with excitement listening to lengthy instruction by their parents on how to win the race.

Those sweets littered on a canvas was the kids motivation in this race. Adults have their own rat-race to worry about - the prize are of course bigger and sweater 'sweets' if not bitter for the loser.

Another dash by my third superhero with a ping-pong ball in his mouth to win another game. Years of chewing eraser in his classroom had given some added advantage to him in this kind of sport.

My second superhero looked quite puzzled here as to whether he was putting the right make-up for the event. As this was not a fancy-costume party he didn't get any prize for that. However, he bagged his own prize in a game of 'tiup gula-gula dalam tepung' - a game probably created by the rich when the flour price was at their lowest.

Another classic game in most of the family days -'lari dalam guni'. It is a good exercise for those who don't like to jog or don't have time to jog around the neighborhood - just get into one of these 'guni' and keep humping on the same spot.

Look how cool my youngest superhero riding my back sipping his ice-cream in this 'lari kendong anak". I participated in this kind of activity because I want to test my back after a year of resting from any back-strenuous activities. That was a lame excuse though for being the last.

Thank you to Pak Mat (still could not figure out which one is Pak Mat though - coud be a nom de plume) for being so kind and generous in providing us with breakfast and that yummylicious briyani for lunch.

I spotted this cute little baby 'skodeing' me from his mymmy's cuddle while shooting the event. He could be the youngest participant that day. The organizer should consider this category too in our next gathering.

The grand finale - a tug-of-war to test ones muscular strength and wittiness. Out of my excitement and didn't want to let down 'family' request, I forgot that I had a back problem slightly over a year ago and join the rank.

Out of these many trophies, each of my family members took home a souvenir each to put on a shelf. That will be a good memento to cherish upon and remind us that next year hopefully will be another big gathering to meet our big 'family' again in a battle that will strengthen our mutual bonding.
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